OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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