Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
