I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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