How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
