Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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