I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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