I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
