i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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