I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
