we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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