the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
