apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
