I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
