Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I puked a lego.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
