Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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