i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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