I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
