If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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