my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
