I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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