what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
