Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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