i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
