so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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