It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
