Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What a dumb baby whore.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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