I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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