When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
