I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
