turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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