i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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