I showed him my bush... on skype.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
