I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
