There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the raccoons are back...
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