Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
