your room smells of hookers.
And success
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
