just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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