I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
