i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
