were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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