I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
be right there i have to get my cape
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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