i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Your penis caused this!
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