I'm eating all of the evidence.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
