Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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