Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
