8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
