Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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