just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
