Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
