You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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