i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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