No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
