I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
