Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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