Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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