my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
