I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
