Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
