I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
