Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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