Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
