So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
