I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize