Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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