On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
