used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
