i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
