In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
